We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There are leaves in my underwear?
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