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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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