I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
