Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
