Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Couch. On fire.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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