When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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