The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
