I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
