my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
