I wish I could teleport
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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