fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
