Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
