woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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