Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she pinky promised me she was 18
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
