I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
