Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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