If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
