I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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