i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
