They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
