My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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