I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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