you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it glows. i had to have it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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