if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
