So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
