dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you win again, gameday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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