Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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