please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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