You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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