haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
