what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
