Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
two words: eviction party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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