took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
