2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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