her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
