Just cropdusted the office
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
