Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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