Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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