It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
