Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
a search helicopter?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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