actually, I'm a sock model
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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