i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
