the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
