I accidentally burped into my bong.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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