Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
