By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
