I think my vagina is haunted
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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