Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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