Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
