frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
