Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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