At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
