dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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