I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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