omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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