I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was born a porn star she said
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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