they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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