don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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