Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
