Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
