I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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