I accidentally burped into my bong.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.