I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came