i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
