I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
