New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever