bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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