It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
