we have pet lesbian snakes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
