I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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