Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
