I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
