Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
