Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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